Six months ago, Ben Roloff and i were having coffee at the Bell Rec Center, George's cafe. It was our go to spot of late, having moved from Starbucks, to McDonalds and finally settling there. We've been doing this since we first met while serving on the SCHOA board in 2006. It was at that point in August when i first sensed my concerns. Ben has had more than his share of medical issues, but never once did i hear him complain; not even a little. He took everything in stride. He was literally a rock, no matter the adversity he faced. So, imagine my surprise when he took an even more serious tone when he said; "I have a favor to ask?" We've been through some interesting and challenging times together and there was seldom a need to ask a serious question like that, we just always did what needed to be done. This one floored me when he said: "Would you give my eulogy when i die?" Me being me quickly replied; "absolutely, but you'll probably outlive me." I'm 7 years younger, but Ben was always on the go where i have become much more sedentary, more contented with doing less and enjoying it more. With that out of the way, as long as we were exploring deeper subjects than Sun City history and the state of the RCSC, i asked him how and why he maintained such a constant state of emotional detachment? More aptly put, i was a little more blunt when i asked; "why/how is it you never are critical or outspoken about anything or anyone?" Now don't get me wrong, over the years we've had candid discussions about a lot of things and at times they have been expressed bluntly. What you never saw or heard was Ben voicing or writing those things in a public venue or forum. It wasn't in his DNA. His response surprised me, mainly because i had no idea it even existed, let alone someone would live by the words he mentioned. Seems only appropriate that now he is gone, i share with you how one man managed to stay above the fray and exude that sense of calm, and always focusing on the good in people and things. His answer to me as to how and why was this: "I live by The Optimist Creed." So much so he said he had it posted by his computer and reminded himself of its words daily. Here is/was one man's solution to maintaining his sanity and his humanity: Promise Yourself... To be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind To talk health, happiness and prosperity to every person you meet To make all your friends feel that there is something in them To look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true To think only of the best, to work only for the best and to expect only the best To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others as you are about your own To forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future To wear a cheerful countenance at all times and give every living creature you meet a smile To give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear, and too happy to permit the presence of trouble Imagine if we all lived in a world like Ben's.
Marvelous words to live by! Thanks for sharing Ben's creed to good living, Bill. His legacy lives on in you and others.
I'm not sure how much, or how well i will carry on Ben's legacy Janet. I get up every day and watch what is happening in our country and find myself wanting to last out at what is going on. In an effort to be more Ben-like, i bite my tongue. He refused to use forums like this to insult and belittle people. He told me often, there is no upside to it. He was right when he said, he still is now that he is gone. In fact, every time we worked together in organizations, he brought that same ideology to the table. It was never to criticize, it was always about fixing what was broken. The most obvious was in 2006 at SCHOA where the board was ineffective and the staff was running the show. We were being routinely beaten up in both newspapers by the community at large. We both understood, it had to stop or we would quickly be gone. A group of the board members met with the staff and we expressed our concerns about how SCHOA was perceived in the community. Our membership had fallen off and a turn-around wasn't in the cards by preserving the status quo. It was the first time i had witnessed Ben's unique style of leadership on display. He made the offer to the staff (14 or so), for board members to work with them and help them/us dig out of the hole we were in. By week's end all but one walked out the door. The head of compliance left at year's end. It was all done without a hostile word, anger or drama. I suspect those quitting thought we'd be crippled. There was one absolute given Ben and i shared; everyone is/was replaceable. No question it created some short term problems, but we set long term goals and then put a plan in place to execute them. The board pulled together, jumped in and assumed some duties until we found replacements. Suffice to say, over the years of working with him and through all of our "coffee times," he was the real deal. Negativity was never in his vocabulary. Even when we disagreed or when stuff got me emotionally riled, he was the calm in my storm. I have a long ways to go to ever begin to channel an inner Ben Roloff mindset. But for anyone who has ever tried to change and grow, you know it's a process. It's impossible to fix anything if you don't acknowledge there is a reason to. Unfortunately as many of us age, it's more than our arteries that hardened. We become fixated on the idea we are right and everyone else is wrong; or at least those who don't agree with us. It would be easy to translate a lot of the current ugliness and lay it alongside the Optimist Creed, and then ask yourself, how does it compare in relationship to see what is going on across the country? The simple reality for me is it is far better contained within these white walls and what i/we can do to make today a little brighter, a little better? It doesn't mean we close our eyes, it does mean our responses are measured and addressing the issues, not the person...and done in a manner that is about fixing a problem, not exacerbating it. If only, eh?
Thanks for saving the SCHOA, Bill. I feel in a similar position with the Foundation; that it was unfortunate the Board members were offended and resigned. Wish it would have been "without a hostile word, anger or drama". I guess times are different now, here and everywhere. I am sure you will recognize this slogan, "Progress, not perfection". Janet
I do and it almost always is applicable. Unfortunately, the illusion of perfection is folly. As far as SCHOA, it was most assuredly not a me thing, a we thing (Ben and i), but an us thing as the board came together collectively to make it work. An interesting footnote was we had about 6000 members when the staff walked out the door and by year's end, more than 9000. Amazing what happens when you set goals and define a pathway to achieve them. Here's the bigger reality of organizational structure: While president of the Sun City Foundation, we tried to do exactly what you are doing now. The potential was unlimited. The board's interest in expanding our roles and goals was not. There's more to the story, but if a board has no interest in changing/evolving, little will happen. Sun City history is filled with success stories, and many that were not.
